Runaway
by Cassie2
Summary: Buffy runs away after killing Angel, she's been away for 3 years. Angel still comes back alive. Buffy's in LA meets up with Angel and A.I. gang.
1. When I close my eyes, you're everywhere

TITLE: Runaway (1/?)  
AUTHOR: Talia  
E-MAIL: pinkyboringness@hotmail.com  
DISCLAIMER: Don't own any of the characters, all property to Joss and co.  
TIMELINE: Three years after Buffy runs away, after Becoming.  
SPOILERS: Becoming, Anne.  
SYNOPSIS: Buffy runs away after killing Angel, she's been away for 3 years. Angel still comes back alive. Buffy's in LA meets up with Angel and A.I. gang.  
PAIRINGS: B/A, W/O, C/X, A/other  
DISTRIBUTION: To anyone! Just gotta ask :)  
NOTE: Faith was already around in this world, so she takes over for Buffy, she's not evil. Buffy's rooming with Lily, the whole going to hell thing never happened. Willow, Xander, Oz, Cordy went with Angel. Xander and Cordelia didn't break up.  
FEEDBACK: Definitely :)  
RATING: PG - for language  
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Part 1 - When I close my eyes, you're everywhere.  
//"Angel?"  
  
Where is he?  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
Where is he?!  
  
"Angel where are you??"  
  
Where is he?!  
  
"At the end of your sword......bitch.."//  
  
Not again....not another dream....I just can't handle it anymore. He's been dead for three years and he still haunts my dreams.  
  
"Annie you okay?"  
  
I smile at Lily reassuringly, she looks at me doubtfully noticing the sweat on my forehead and my matted hair.  
  
"I'm fine, really. Go back to sleep."  
  
She still stands there for a few seconds and then disappears without a word. I like that about Lily, she doesn't argue.  
  
I sigh and lie back down and as soon as I think I'm over it the tears come and I'm curled up in a ball and sobbing. And then I laugh to myself, because who am I kidding? I'll never be over Angel.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
"Anne get your ass back to work! I said a 5 minute break not an hour!"  
  
I sigh and roll my eyes.  
  
"Okay okay Jack, god I can't get 2 seconds of peace round this place!"  
  
He glares at me and walks back inside.  
  
I walk in, and the smell of fat and bacon fill my nose, I hate working here but where else am I going to go? Home? Yeah, I'm sure they'd welcome me with open arms.  
  
"Hey Anne sweetie, wanna come round tonight? Finally got a waterbed, need to test it out."  
  
Bob the cook raises his eyebrows, or should I say eyebrow suggestively. God he's disgusting, beer gut, sweaty hair, greasy smile, smelly breath, plus the whole balding 39 year old man deal.  
  
I open my mouth to say something rude back to him but I feel Jacks big hand fall on my shoulder, and I shut my mouth, according to Jack, Bob is the best cook that Jack's Cafe has ever had and he doesn't want me pissing Bob off because he might leave.....please, boo-hoo if Bob leaves hmmm yeah, right. But I don't really have any qualifications, so its not as if I'm going to get very far in life, kinda need this job.  
  
I give Jack an "Oh alright for gods sake" look and then head round to the counter. Jules another waitress is serving a group of people in the far corner, she's flirting furiously with one of the men. God she is so annoying, she's a little loose if you know what I mean....actually she's like really loose, any good looking man becomes her prey and once she sees what she wants she definitley gets it.  
  
I cringe when I hear her whining nausiating laugh, she seems me standing there gawking and waltz over swinging her hips.  
  
"Anne want some?"  
  
She points towards the group of men she was talking to, she blows them a kiss and winks...oh god just go away!  
  
"Ha ha no, more for you I guess. Hey how's the cream working for that rash?" I say it loud enough so the group of men can hear, the blonde one looks at her and gives her a disgusted look....yay mission accomplished.   
  
"Annie babe, why don't you go down to the church on Hobson Street, they're always happy to take in young women who want to keep living that celibate life. You could be with lots of others that are just like you."  
  
She says it sickingly sweet and winks at me. Her small bright red lips curl into an evil smile and I just want to punch her right in the nose so she's not so pretty anymore. But I hold back like always because Buffy would do that, but little ol' Anne would never do that.  
  
Buffy Summers is no longer, in her place is Anne Winters. Yeah I know the last name is kinda stupid but I couldn't think of anything.  
  
"Anne! Everytime I see you you're off in La La land! For christ's sake could you do some work, you know the thing I'm meant to be paying you for!"  
  
"Get off my back Jack." I snicker at the rhyme and Jack just gives me his look, well more glare, which he seems to only give to me.  
  
"Excuse me Miss.."  
  
I turn around quickly, my breath catches in my throat and I feel lightheaded.  
  
"Angel...?"  
  
"Sorry, what did you say Miss?"  
  
I blink and shake my head a couple of times, the mans face comes into view and I feel tears burn my eyes when I see his face and realise that it's not Angel. Angel will never be back...never..never...never....never...all because of me.  
  
The tears spill and I run out of the cafe, I can hear Jacks' deep voice bellowing out after me but not even he can stop me. The fresh air hits my face and I breath it in hungrily.  
  
'He'll never be coming back bitch'  
  
'Close your eyes'  
  
'It's all your fault'  
  
The last thing I hear before I hit the pavement is the beating of my heart, it fills my ears and it feels like its gonna burst through my chest.  
  
Boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom  
  
End of Part One 


	2. Moving on?

Part 2 - Moving on?   
  
"I always knew she was a little, you know, not right in the head"   
  
I open my eyes and see Jules snickering face, oh what a beautiful sight to open my eyes to.   
  
"Btich" My voice is croaky and I feel something warm trickle down my face.   
  
"She's back, oh great."   
  
Jack pushes something on my head and I wince in pain, I look around and I realise I'm back in the cafe and everyone is standing around looking at me. I can see by the looks on some of their faces they think I'm on some sort of drug. Judgemental bastards.   
  
"An ambulance is coming Anne, what happened?"   
  
To my surprise Jack actually sounds concerned, in other circumstances I probably would have pointed that fact out and never let him live it down, but the pain in my head is too much to be a bitch.   
  
"Are you okay Miss? Was it something I did?"   
  
The man that I had mistaken for.....Angel, pushes past Jack and looks at my head worringly. I smile reassuringly at him and I notice that his eyes are the most beautiful blue that I have ever seen. He catches me staring at him and I look away embarrassed, he smiles at me and introduces himself.   
  
"Hi I'm Daniel, its nice to meet you Anne, although I wish it were under different circumstances." He smiles sheepishly and I feel my heart weaken at the sight of him. I haven't felt this way about anybody in a long time. Ever since Angel died I never dreamed of ever having feelings for someone else, but looking at Daniels face makes me want to do things with him that Angel and I never got to do....because of the curse...because I killed him.   
  
I break out of my reviere when I realise that Daniel is still talking to me.   
  
"So would you like to?"   
  
His look is hopeful and I'm guessing he wants to go out sometime. My heart is screaming NO HE IS NOT ANGEL but my head is saying COME ONE GIVE THE GUY A CHANCE, ANGEL IS GONE and then I hear   
"Sure, okay." come out of my mouth.   
  
"How about wednesday night? Meet you at Vee club around 7?"   
  
I smile and nod my head dumbly, I can't believe it, I have a date....with a guy...a guy who isn't Angel. I think I'm finally moving on but a little voice whispers inside my head.   
  
'You'll never be over him'   
  
But I ignore it because for the first time in about three years I'm actually happy.   
  
End of Part 2 


	3. Hard getting over you

Part 3 - It's hard getting over you   
  
"Anne, you look beautiful, calm down."   
  
"Of course you would say that Lily, you're my best friend."   
  
Even though I've been away from Sunnydale for about 3 years, it still feels weird saying that Lily is my best friend and not Willow. Everyday I wonder what the gang is doing and a sharp pain of guilt stabs my heart, but it's not as sharp anymore, the memories of them have started to fade, I can barely remember what colour Willows eyes are or how tall Xander is. Sometimes I try so hard to remember that I just forget even more, but then I remember the word 'Past' and that's what they are even though sometimes it kills me to admit it.   
  
I look at myself in the mirror and realise that I look so different from Buffy Summers, my hair is longer - just below my shoulder - and it's more of a browny-blonde colour, my face doesn't look so innocent and naieve like it used to and my eyes are blue instead of green - I was so determined to put Buffy Summers behind me that I went and bought coloured contacts - I like the changes because they make me even more apart from the old Buffy and that's what I want.   
  
"Anne? Earth to Anne?"   
  
"Huh? what?"   
  
"Excited about tonight huh?"   
  
"Yeah"   
  
I say it so breathlessley and my cheeks begin to burn and the voice in my head whispers again   
  
'How can you do this to him?'   
  
"You okay?"   
  
I shake off the voice and nod and smile at Lily, once again it's as if she doesn't believe me, but good old Lily doesn't say anything.   
  
"Well time to go. Don't wait up Lil."   
  
She cringes when I say 'Lil' I know she hates it but I do it anyway, I walk out the door before she can reply.   
  
The air feels cool against my skin and I sigh, it feels so nice, it feels like.....Angels lips and hands, how they used to roam all over my body, I stop walking and just stand there letting the cool air wash over me. I feel a pang in my heart when memories of Angel creep into my mind, no matter how hard I try to shut his beautiful face and delicate touch out of my head, whenever I least expect it, he creeps into my mind and I experience the pain and love all over again.   
  
But it can't happen to me tonight, because I'm venturing back into that scary world of Dating - this coming from a girl who has faced things more horrible than your typical male - But I haven't been with anyone after Angel, I mean part of me wanted to just stay his forever, even if he's not...alive, because he was my first real love and that part of me just can't imagine some other man touching me, kissing me, making me feel alive.   
  
But another part of me is saying to let go of Angel, he's never coming back and nothing I do or say will make him anymore real, this part of me has grown stronger over our time apart, so maybe I really am getting over him.   
  
'Yeah right, who are you kidding?'   
  
"Anne?"   
  
I turn and see Daniel, he's grinning and gestures for us to go inside Vee. He offers to take my hand and I accept it smiling, it's warm against my own and suddenly I want the cool of Angels hand back because the warmth feels foreign.   
  
"Are you okay Anne?"   
  
Everyone seems to be saying that a lot to me these past few days, I just do my smile reassuringly thing and we go inside. The music fills my ears instantly and the lights flash blue,green,pink,purple and then back to blue. Daniel leads me to an empty table and just like a gentleman, he holds out my chair for me.   
  
"Drink?"   
  
I nod and he ventures off towards the bar, I sit and watch the people dancing, hips gyrating, hands wandering, kisses and it suddenly reminds me of The Bronze and how I danced with Xander to annoy Angel, and it worked, Buffy 1 Angel 0.....god! why do my thoughts always have to go back to him?! Daniel comes over and puts our drinks down, I stand up instantly and my first instinct is to run because he's not Angel but I stay and grab him up to dance.   
  
We push past all the people and find a spot just as a slow song comes on.   
  
'To see you when I wake up   
is a gift I didn't think could be real   
To know that you feel the same as I do   
is a threehold, utopian dream   
You do something to me that I can't explain   
So would I be out of line if I said   
I miss you?'   
  
I look into Daniels face and he suddenly reminds me of Angel, I close my eyes hoping to clear my head, but when I open them Angels face is still there, my heart starts to pound in my ears and I can feel sweat trickle down my neck and then my back, the cut on my head starts to throb.   
  
The music sounds distant and all I can hear is the pounding of my heart.   
  
Boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.boom.   
  
The lights flash on and off and I can't see properly, the room starts to spin, I feel like I'm going to vomit. I push away from Daniel and run out of the club.   
  
I still feel dizzy but the air starts to clear my head, what the hell am I doing?! He's not Angel, he'll never be Angel!! I have to get out of here!   
  
More sweat trickles down my neck and I can't see straight, I turn to my left and start to walk, well stumble away. Have to get out of here!   
  
I turn down an alley and lean against the wall, I stand still but the world is still spinning and my cut throbs painfully. I lean over and vomit, it burns my throat and my eyes sting with tears. I wipe my mouth and stumble out of the alley and right into someones chest.   
  
I bring my hand to my aching head and mumble an apology, I try to walk away but they grab my arm and pull me into view. I open my eyes and try to make out the person, but all I can see is a blurry mass of colour.   
  
The person gasps and lets go of me, I nearly fall over but they grab me again and whisper   
  
"Buffy?"   
  
And then the lights begin to fade and I hit the pavement for the second time this week.   
  
End of part 3 


	4. How can I forget, when youre right here?

Part 4 - How can I forget, when you're right here?  
  
//"Why are you here?" I look up at him and he smiles down at me.  
  
"I came back for you" He takes me into his arms and I feel warm and happy.  
  
"You always come back for me don't you?" He pulls away from me and places a kiss on my head.  
  
"Always...."//  
  
I open my eyes and try to move, my muscles ache in protest and the cut in my head throbs. I close my eyes again and try to recall what happened last night.  
  
"Lily? You home?"  
  
"I'm here Anne."  
  
She passes me a glass of water and sits on the edge of my bed.  
  
"Lily what the hell happned to me last night? The last thing I remember was fainting, after I threw up outside the Vee Club, god I hope Daniel didn't see me!"  
  
"Well...."  
  
"Oh my god he did see me vomit didn't he?!" I cover my face in embarrassment while Lily laughs.  
  
"Well he said he found you outside Vee, you had fainted and you were lying on the pavement, so he bought you home."  
  
"Great...."  
  
"He also said that you were murming something...Angel I think...sound familiar?"  
  
My heart stops and I feel my throat tighten as images from last night flash in my mind...  
  
seeing angel in club.....vomiting...someone calling me Buffy....  
  
"Hey Anne wasn't that the name of that guy you were seeing back in Sunnydale?"  
  
"No, I never went out with anyone called Angel"  
  
"I'm sure you did..."  
  
"Just drop it Lily okay?! There was no Angel."  
  
Liar. She looks at me, doubt on her face but she just gets up and walks out of the room. I sigh and lie back down, great I've hurt her feelings, I mean I love Lily, but I've got more important things to think about..like am I going crazy...did I really see Angel.. I drift off to sleep again and I dream of the thing I always dream about..him.  
  
//I lie back and he wraps his arms around me, I sigh contently and watch my old friends dance, Willow, Xander, Giles, Oz even Cordelia to a strange song I can't understand. They're all dressed in white with shining halos above their head, like angels.  
  
"When are they going to stop and come and talk to me?"  
  
"When you realise that they're playing your song."  
  
I nod my head and sigh again,  
  
"I wish you were really here."  
  
"How do you know I'm not....lover?"  
  
I gasp and try to turn around but he holds me in place and sinks his fangs into my neck.//  
  
My eyes fly open and my heart is beating hard in my chest. The dark surrounds me and I feel like I'm suffocating. Got to get out of here!  
  
I feel up to some slaying...I haven't in a while, reminds me too much of...him and them.  
  
That's how I used to deal, go Kick some demon ass....crazy I know, but hello I'm a slayer, that's crazy in itself. Maybe it will help me tonight...or just cause me more pain, actually whatever I do I'll be in pain...  
  
'Close your eyes'  
  
'Shhhh....'  
  
"Lily?"  
  
I turn on her light and find she's not lying there, great she's still pissed off at me. I leave her a note just incase she gets back before me and walk out of the apartment.  
  
I start to shiver and hug my arms around me, note to self bring jacket next time.   
  
"Here demons, demons-"  
  
"Help me!!"  
  
I run towards the girl's voice and go down a dark alley, jeez can't vamps get a bit original, I mean it's always down a dark alleyway, couldn't they maybe do it you know in a nice park or something?  
  
The vampire has the girl cornered, I can see the cuts on his face, she's done a pretty good job at trying to fend him off but he's still advancing.  
  
I step towards the girl and the vampire getting read to make my move, but something...or someone rushes past me and tackles the vampire. I stand there shocked as the person stakes the vampire with ease and checks to see if the girl is okay, she says thank you and runs off. I step closer to the person and try to make out who it is.  
  
"Hey, I just wanna say thanks, I didn't even have to break a sweat! Glad to see someone else is on my side........."  
  
I gasp when the person turns around and it's Angel, I close my eyes but when I open them it's still him. Okay I'm definitely crazy.   
  
"What is this....?"  
  
I start to step back, oh my god he can't be real, I killed him, he's dead.  
  
"Buffy.....it really is you."  
  
"You're not real, I killed you, it was all my fault! I sent you to hell!"  
  
He winces at my words and starts to step towards me, I step back and I look around desperately trying to find some sort of escape.  
  
"I'm so sorry, please believe me! I'm sorry okay? I know it's all my fault, please just leave me alone....you're not real!!" Tears run down my face, and I feel like I can't breathe.  
  
"Buffy it is me, I'm real."  
  
I shake my head and keep stepping back.  
  
"No I killed you and sent you to hell because I had to save the world!!"  
  
"I...I...came back...3 years ago.."  
  
For some reason - maybe because he's my soulmate - I believe him, my blood is humming inside me and I can feel him all around me, he's here, alive, now. The first thought that I manage to make out from the mess in my mind is 'I want him.' He looks so damn perfect, untouched, he looks exactly like I remembered him....  
  
'What's happening?'  
  
'It doesn't matter'  
  
'I love you'  
  
'Close your eyes'  
  
Warm sticky blood trickles down my face and falls to the ground - my cut - the drip echoes off the brick walls and that's all I can hear, drip. drip. drip. drip.  
  
I look over at Angel who is still standing there stunned and then his blood drenches his white shirt where I stabbed him and it flashes at me. I can't tell whether it is real or not but it's there, reminding me. He'll never forgive me, none of them will, he hates me.  
  
"Buffy you're hurt.."  
  
'Shhh...'  
  
'I feel like I haven't seen you in months'  
  
'Close your eyes'  
  
I slowly take one last step back and then without a goodbye or even a lasting look I sprint out of there, leaving my lover behind because that's what he is....the past...yeah right.  
  
End of Part 4 


	5. Your past always catches up with you

Part 5 - Your past always catches up with you   
  
I burst into the apartment and run to Lilys room, she wakes up startled.   
  
"What's wrong Anne?"   
  
I run towards her and start to cry, she holds me and I place my head on her leg while she strokes my hair lightly trying to calm me down.   
  
"Annie, what happened?"   
  
"The past caught up with me..."   
  
She doesn't say anything, she just keeps stroking my hair while I cry until my throat is raw and the tears have stopped.   
  
What am I going to do? He's here...he must hate me...oh god...he's real, he's here. now. I can't handle this, I have to get out of here.   
  
I pull away from Lily and rush to my room.   
  
"Anne?? What are you doing??"   
  
I pull out my bag and frantically grab clothes out of my draws and shove them into the bag. Lily comes and stands next to me, I glance up at her face, hurt and confusion printed.   
  
"Where are you going Anne??"   
  
"Away, have to get away."   
  
"Why???"   
  
I shake my head and continue running around the room grabbing various things, brush, hairties, shoes, jersey.....   
  
"Stop it Anne! For god's sake, tell me what the hell is wrong!!"   
  
I stop, stunned, that's the first time she has ever yelled at me. Usually she just nods her head and walks away quietly.   
  
"I'm sick of you shutting me out, Anne. Tell me now!"   
  
She steps forward and grabs the things out of my hands and chucks them on the floor, her face is full of anger and she narrows her eyes at me. She really wants some answers. I sit down on my bed while she stands infront of me with her arms folded tightly accross her chest.   
  
"An old friend from Sunnydale is here. I'm guessing he lives here."   
  
"What's wrong with that?"   
  
"Something happened to..him and I left my other friends, ran away from them. Left them to fight all the bad things."   
  
"What happened to this him? Is he why you ran away? Did he hurt you?"   
  
My throat tightens and I wipe away at the forming tears. I look down at my hand and a deep red colour is smeared all over it....red...blood....his blood...all over my hands....   
  
'I love you'   
  
'Close your eyes'   
  
'Shhhh.....'   
  
'love'   
  
'kill'   
  
'hell'   
  
'bitch'   
  
'hate'   
  
"Anne??? Anne???"   
  
I look up at Lily, tears streaming down my face and my blood red hands still out infront of me.   
  
"Oh god, Anne, your cut is bleeding."   
  
She rushes to the bathroom and brings out a wet flannel.   
  
"I...I...killed him...Lily...I..did.."   
  
She kneels down infront of me and takes my hands in hers.   
  
"Who Anne?"   
  
"Him....Angel..I love him so much...I had to save the world..but now he's back...here and I just don't know how to deal.."   
  
Realisation dawns on her face and she pulls me into a hug.   
  
"It's okay Anne...shh.."   
  
"What do I do Lily??"   
  
She opens her mouth to answer but before her reassuring words can come out there's a knock at the door. I get up to go to the door but she points to my head and I remember the blood on my face, and she goes to the door while I go clean up.   
  
It takes me a couple of seconds to realise that the scared looking girl in the mirror is actually my reflection. I can't believe how young and innocent I look...I look like I did when I was seventeen...when the harsh realities of living hadn't gotten to me...when killing the man you love didn't even enter your thoughts...when running away from your problems was something that the mighty Buffy would never do.   
  
I bend down and wash my face, I look up into the mirror again and harsh, cold eyes stare back at me. I'm back to the new me, the stony hurt gaze, the mouth that hardly ever smiles and the heart that is covered in darkness.....god what have I let myself become??   
  
I take one last look in the mirrow to make sure the blood is gone and then turn around, my heart stops and I open my mouth and scream.   
  
"Buffy....??"   
  
End of Part 5!   
  
Part 6 on the way....oh yeah be warned there's a whole lotta angst coming up! Angel is with someone.....shock horror I know! Sorry he is, but definitely B/A always so you never know..... ;) 


	6. Right here.Right now.

Part 6 - Right here.Right now.   
  
"Buffy?? You okay??"   
  
Lily pushes past Angel and runs towards me, I keep my eyes on Angel while Lily fusses over me. I finally tear my gaze away from him and focus on Lily, I breathe in to try and calm myself down and smile shakily at her.   
  
"It's okay Lily, just got a little fright. Can you cover me at the cafe' tonight?"   
  
"Sure, I'll go now. Sure you'll be okay?"   
  
I nod my head and briefly hug her, she looks at Angel as if she's deciding whether he's the good guy or the bad guy in this situation. Usually I would've laughed and joked about it with her, but he's here and that makes everything different. She takes one last look at me and I smile again, this time a bit more certain and she finally leaves.   
  
I smooth down my pants and fiddle nervously with the buttons on my top. I look at everything except Angel....why does this have to be so hard?? Oh yeah because I killed him and sent him to hell.....   
  
"Buffy...I...look.."   
  
He trails off and sighs, I finally look up at him and he looks so hurt and confused. I wish I could just kiss him and hold him and then it would make everything better and we'd live happily ever after with 2.3 children and a white picket fenced house...but nothing is perfect in the scary world of Buffy...nothing....   
  
"I'm...sorry...for..doing what I did..."   
  
He looks at me, surprised and steps forward, making that little distance that was between us practically nothing.   
  
"You had to do what you had to do...I don't blame you, I never did."   
  
I want to cry, I want to shout, I want to fight, I want to be angry, because all of that makes it just that little bit easier to deal, that little bit easier to forgive and forget. But I don't do any of those I just stand there, emotionless....why isn't anything ever easy??   
  
"Why did you come back?"   
  
"I don't know, one day I just woke up and found myself lying on the floor in the mansion..."   
  
Where I killed him, that's what's missing from that sentence. Where I stabbed him with the sword that Kendra bought and that Giles practically drooled over. Where I told him I loved him and then watched him get sucked into hell....that's where I should be...in hell..   
  
"Buffy, you have to believe me, it wasn't your fault."   
  
I finally break down, the tears flow and he hugs me tightly. Maybe it really wasn't my fault...   
  
"Do you hate me?"   
  
"Of course not! How could you think that? I could never hate you."   
  
So he doesn't hate me after all....I sigh and hug him tighter and breathe in his scent and I revell in it. I haven't touched or smelled him in so long and it feels so good to finally have him here with me now. Maybe I can finally deal and get over the past.   
  
I pull away and look up at him, our gazes lock and passion and lust flash in his deep dark eyes, but just as quickly as I saw it, it fades away and is replaced with his emotionless gaze. And I know that in this moment we're going to kiss because that's just what happens, there's like a script that we all follow without even realising it.   
  
I stand up on my tip toes and lean into him, he's breathing hard - even though he doesn't need to - and I can tell he's nervous, actually so am I. Our faces are so close but then suddenly he pulls away and I look up at him confused. But before I can say anything he interrupts me.   
  
"Come and meet the gang."   
  
"What??"   
  
"They live here, with me. Cordy, Xander, Will, Oz."   
  
"I repeat what??!!"   
  
Oh god, they live here as well! Why isn't anything ever easy for me????   
  
End of Part 6 :)   
Hope you're all liking it, I know the B/A meeting thing was kinda rushed but there's a purpose, which you'll find out in the next few parts. 


	7. Finding you....Finding me

Part 7 - Finding you....finding me - In Angels P.O.V.  
  
I still can't believe it's her, I didn't think I would ever see her again.  
  
She was the only thing that kept me going when I was in hell, everytime I felt the pain that came with living down there, I would remember her beautiful hair that reminded me of the sun and the warmth of her lips and the sweet taste of her skin.....  
  
She coughs uncomfortably and fiddles with the buttons on her top, I want to stop the car and comfort her in my arms, kissing away her worries and having her surround me, filling me, making me feel complete. But a beautiful brunettes laughing face floats in my head.  
  
Jessica. Jess, the girl I care for a lot. Long brown hair, eyes as dark as mine and a smile that makes me grin stupidly everytime I see it.   
  
When I think of love, I think of Buffy not Jess. I do care for her, but with Buffy it's different, more intense, more powerful, more passionate and now that she's here that's what I want.  
  
I never got over Buffy - hell I never will - but I managed to deal with it, the guys helped me, they too had to deal with Buffy leaving, then I met Jess and I fell for her, not as hard as I did for Buffy but neverthless I fell for her.  
  
She was so different to Buffy, the way she smiled, the way she brushed her hair.....everything she did was different, being with Jess is...nice...like a calm ocean but with Buffy everything is crazy, it's a storm out at sea, the waves crashing angrily onto each other, the sky shouting out in pain...but I want that...the noise, the mess, the craziness, the pain, the intense burning love.....I want her...  
  
But I'm torn, Buffy is THE one, Jess - no matter how horrible this sounds - is her filler, the 'rebound' gal, but I still care for her deeply. I've been with Jess for about a year now and everytime we make love, I think of Buffy and how she gasped and moaned underneath me that night and how it was absolute bliss...and I hate myself for it, because I'm living a lie with Jess, everyone - even Jess - thinks we're in love and like I said before I do care for her, I just don't love her.  
  
When I returned from Hell, Willow figured out how to take out the me going evil part if I had perfect happiness, so for 3 years my soul has been bound. I'm like a recovering alcoholic, lasted 3 years many more to go, let's see if I can do it.  
  
She sighs beside me and looks over at me.  
  
"How did you find me?"  
  
"Followed the scent of your blood..."  
  
I feel kind of stupid after saying that, she looks away out the window and I know she wants to ask why I pulled away when she went to kiss me. I love how I can do that, know what she's thinking without her saying anything.  
  
"Don't you love me anymore?"  
  
The car swerves slightly but I manage to gain control, she sounds so lost and sad and it makes me angry at myself for making her feel this way.  
  
"I do...always will...there's something I have to tell you..."  
  
Actually two things, I can't decide which is worse....Buffy I've betrayed you, I'm with somebody else even though I don't love her or Buffy my soul is bound no more Angelus but we still can't be together because I'm with somebody else who I don't actually love.....okay they're practically the same......so looks like it's both of them.  
  
She turns in her seat and looks at me expectantly, I take an uneeded deep breath and look at her in the corner of my eye.  
  
"There's.....someone...else...and...and....no more Angelus.."  
  
She doesn't say anything, just keeps staring at me with those beautiful beautiful eyes. I know she's trying to take in what I just told her, she bites her lip and I see her fists clench as she breathes in deeply, trying to clear her mind I guess.....or calm down....  
  
"Do you love her?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why are you with her then?"  
  
"I care for her, she was there for me in some pretty tough times, I don't want to hurt her."  
  
"But you're hurting her by staying with her."  
  
I know she's right, but I don't know what to say, she sighs and runs her hands through her silky hair.  
  
"Is this the end of us?"  
  
"I...do-..no."  
  
I know that it doesn't solve a thing and that Buffy and I are back at the start but it isn't the end, she's here, I'm here, soul in place.....time for happiness?? Yeah sure.....  
  
She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off when I pull up infront of the Hotel.  
  
Home sweet home......  
  
End of Part 7   
See, B/A always :) 


	8. Nice to meet you all again

Part 8 - Nice to meet you all again - back to Buffy's P.O.V.  
  
I look at Angel nervously and he places his hand on my back gently nudging me on.   
  
I don't want to meet them again, see their disappointed faces....their angry faces...and I don't want to see her....the girl Angel cares for her....the girl who has been keeping him going...I hate her already.  
  
Angel stops at the door and reaches into his pocket and produces a set of keys, I slowly and quietly step away from him and head towards his car. But before I actually get anywhere I hear his deep smooth voice.  
  
"Buffy, where are you going?"  
  
"I...I..can't do this...I can't see them..."  
  
He sighs and takes my hands in his.  
  
"You can do it Buffy, it's been hard for them.....harder for me...they need to see you, they've missed you..we..we..all have..."  
  
He sighs again and brushes a stray strand of my hair out of my face and it's back to one of those moments again, the moment where the script says that Buffy and Angel embrace lovingly but just like last time he pulls away.  
  
But I understand why he does this time and it doesn't hurt as much, because it's not over between us, there's still hope for us, but then there's the part that really hurts. The part where his soul his bound, where Angelus will no longer be a threat.....where him and this girl can make love....  
  
I feel my heart ache but I push away the pain because I have to focus on the now, seeing them again....my friends....Angel looks at me again and hugs me reassuringly. I sigh contently into the hug and pull him tighter, I don't want to let him go, I'm too scared he'll choose her over me and I'll lose him forever.......  
  
"Angel....what the hell??"  
  
Angel pulls away from me quickly and he looks back and forth between me and the beautiful brunette standing in the doorway.  
  
"Buffy, this is Jessica...Jess, Buffy."  
  
She smiles hesitantly and I try and smile back nicely but it sort of comes out as a grimace...oh so she's the one...she's the one Angel holds at night...she's the one who he kisses in all the right places....she's the one that makes him laugh and make him forget about me...  
  
"It's finally nice to meet you Buffy, Angel has told me a lot about you."  
  
I suddenly feel panic rise in me and I snap my head to look at Angel, panicked. He smiles reassuringly at me and I realise he told her the truth about us....the whole heartbreaking story...every gory yet beautiful moment....every breath...every kiss...every I love you...okay maybe not that much detail but obviously enough because she steps towards Angel and wraps her arm around his waist possessively.  
  
"You guys come in here!"  
  
I follow Angel and Jess inside and I notice how beautiful and incredibly massive this place really is. My heart clenches when I see Angels coat on a couch and for some strange reason it reminds me of what I missed out on all these years.  
  
"What is it An-......Buffy??"  
  
I look up and find myself face to face with my ex best friend Willow, she looks so different, so grown up, her hair is so much shorter and she just has this sort of mature grace about her and I feel so jealous because she's glowing, she looks so happy, when I'm so sad....I know that sounds so selfish but that's how I feel.  
  
"Buffy. Hey."  
  
I want to laugh, because it's good old Oz, stating the obvious and not seeming at all surprised. We were never that close, I never realised how much I actually missed him.  
  
"What's the deal.....oh..my..god.."  
  
Xander....I want to cry because he doesn't look that happy to see me, resentment is written all over his face and he stands the furtherest away, keeping his distance, trying to hide his emotions.  
  
"Hey Angel, hey Buffy....hey wait...Buffy?!"  
  
Complete silence fills the room and in this silence I'm afraid, afraid of what is going to come out of their mouth, afraid of what they think of me....they haven't exactly welcomed me with open arms...I guess I wouldn't if I was them.  
  
We all stand there awkwardly, shuffling our feet, fiddling with our hair, coughing and looking everywhere except at each other.  
  
"Oh for god's sake! This is ridiculous!"  
  
Cordelia throws her hands up in the air and steps towards me.  
  
"I know this isn't going to solve anything, there are still things we all have to talk about but, I missed you Buffy. Sunnydale wasn't the same and it's glad to have you back. And you guys better not let anybody know I just said that!"  
  
She pulls me into a hug and I almost die from the shock, Cordelia saying nice things to me and hugging me....is this the REAL Cordelia??? I guess time really does change some people after all.  
  
"I missed you..."  
  
I barely hear her, but I know it's Willow. I look over at her and tears run down her face, I step forward and she throws her arms around me and starts to sob, Oz pats me on the shoulder and smiles while he rubs Willow's back soothingly and suddenly I find myself crying into Willow's shoulder and I feel someone's hand on my back.   
  
I look back expecting to see Angel but I see Xander's teary eyed face and it makes me cry even more...he doesn't hate me...  
  
"Oh you guys!!! My mascara will run!"  
  
We all laugh when Cordelia wipes at her eyes and then she joins us in the group hug and we're all standing there, together again...the old gang...not quite the same but close enough....  
  
"Jess...we have to talk..."  
  
I turn and see Angel and Jess leave the room....  
  
End Of Part 8   
Yeah I know, it was an incredibly cheesy part compared to the rest of the story but it was needed lol :) 


	9. She's back but your gone

Part 9 - She's back but you're gone - Jessica's P.O.V.  
Rated R  
  
Angel closes the door behind him and he gestures for us to sit down on the bed. My heart beats faster and faster...oh god...he's breaking up with me...I feel like I'm going to be sick...like actually throw up.....just because she's back.....her...her...her...her...her  
  
"Jess, you know I care about you..."  
  
I look up at him, tears already in my eyes and I raise my hand to stop him from going on. I know what he's going to say, so many men have said it to me before. 'You know I care about you Jess but it's just not working, it's not you, it's me...' but I guess in this case it's because some stupid little bitch from his past is back and he is soooo in love with her...  
  
"Jess-"  
  
"No, save it Angel. I know what you're gonna say...I knew from the beginning...as soon as you told me about her I knew that if she ever came back that you would choose her, because she's everything! She's the goddamn sun and moon isn't she?!"  
  
I feel myself start to shake as the anger inside me boils and bubbles. Angel places his cool hand on my arm and I shove his hand away. I don't want to be reminded of what I'm going to be missing out on!! His cool cool touch wandering all over my body, his lips kissing me, carressing me....  
  
"I knew all along you didn't love me and I hate that I was such a sucker and still stuck around!! I mean what kind of relationship did we have??!! I never had all of you!! There was always some part of you that was reserved for her!! Some part that you just wouldn't let me touch or even get close enough to fucken spit on!!"  
  
I'm so blind with anger, that I can hardly see straight...my heart is pounding in my ears and it feels like my chest is going to cave in....and it's all because of her....her and her stupid silky shiny hair, her stupid doe eyed face.....stupid...stupid....stupid....  
  
"Don't blame yourself, Jess, it's my fault, I shouldn't have led you on."  
  
"Oh no, it wasn't your fault either my sweet innocent Angel it was HER! That fucken little perfect angel of yours out there! If only she had gone and crawled under a rock and died! Then we'd all be better off!!!"  
  
As soon as the words are out, I regret them, I bite my tongue and I feel the metallic taste of my blood fill my mouth. Angel looks up at me and narrows his eyes, they turn even darker - if that's possible - and I can see him trying to control himself. We've had fights before but I've never seen him look so angry.  
  
"Don't you ever say that about her ever again. Actually don't say ANYTHING about her again, you don't even know her, so don't even begin to think that you do."  
  
His voice is low and he's almost growling and for some unkown reason, it doesn't scare me, not one bit. And the regret that I had before at saying those words has suddenly disappeared.  
  
"Oh I know enough about her to have an opinion about the stupendous Buffy!"  
  
There's so much venom in my voice, distorting it, even I don't recognise it. Angel moves quickly and before I know it, he's pushed me up against a wall and he's vamped out. I smile cruelly and laugh.  
  
"Go on, bite me...hard. The harder the better, you know you want to."  
  
He pushes me away and his angelic face slides back into place.  
  
"What has happened to you Jess?"  
  
"She happened, Buffy fucking Summers, that's my problem."  
  
"Get out."  
  
"Sure thing, you and miss sweetcheeks out there will want some 'alone' time. Will you make her scream like you used to make me?"  
  
"Get out.now."  
  
"You haven't seen the last of me, better take care of your precious little Buffy, she'll get what's coming to her."  
  
Angel growls and he vamps out again, something along the lines of childlike glee fills me up inside at how I can make him so angry. I laugh again and make my way towards the door, but just before I leave, I turn around and smile sickly sweet.  
  
"When she's moaning underneath you tonight, think of me."  
  
I laugh again before I close the door as I hear him growl.  
  
Yeah, she'll definitley get what's coming to her....she deserves it....stupid bitch thinking she can come into our lives and take him away....no no...think again little girl....think again....  
  
*Cue dun dun dun dun.....*gasp* lol  
End of Part 9 - Wow three more parts, I'm writing this pretty damn fast, faster than I thought I would. Hope you're all still liking it, and yay no more Jess and Angel lol :) 


	10. Just to be in your arms

Part 10 - Just to be in your arms Back to Buffy's P.O.V.  
  
"Jess, where are you going?"  
  
She smiles at Willow and then turns to me, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"Angel and I are through."  
  
Silence settles over us and I look down at the ground. We don't need to ask any questions, we all know why they're through. My heart jumps at the thought of him wanting me but when I glance up at Jess, my heart sinks again.  
  
Yes, I don't like Jess but I do feel sorry for her. I can just imagine what it would be like for me if I was in her position and she was in mine.   
  
"Jess, I'm really sorry ab-"  
  
"You're Sorry?! Oh isn't that rich??"  
  
Her voice is shrill and she throws her hands up in the air and looks at me incredulously.  
  
"You're sorry for coming here and taking him away from me??! The man who I loved with all my heart, with every single piece of my BEING!! How can you even BEGIN to think that sorry covers something like that?!"  
  
"I really am sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."  
  
"Better watch yourself, Buff."  
  
I feel like laughing at her and reminding her about how hey I'm a slayer, I think she should be the one watching herself.  
  
"I know you're a slayer, but I can do something better.....watch your back and Angels."  
  
She walks out of the room before I can say anything back to her, I feel Willow's hand on my shoulder and I realise I'm shaking. Not shaking in fear but in anger, how dare she threaten me and Angel like that?!  
  
"Buffy, ignore her, she's hurting."  
  
I try to listen to the reason in Willow's voice but I just can't, I know that she means something bad...real bad....I can feel it, it's creeping into my bones and sending shivers down my spine.  
  
"I don't trust her."  
  
"Neither do I, I thought I did, but she's changed....for the worse."  
  
I turn and see Angel standing in the doorway, his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the ground.  
  
"It's not your fault Angel."  
  
He looks up at me and nods his head but I know he doesn't really agree with me. I move towards him and wrap my arms around his waist. He places his chin ontop of my head and sighs.  
  
"I just feel...so..."  
  
"bad?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I know the feeling."  
  
"Buffy, you had to-"  
  
"Shhh...not now, later."  
  
This time I sigh and he hugs me tighter and it feels so right, I haven't felt like this in days, months, years. I've missed this....being in his arms...feeling his cool hands....hearing his smooth as silk voice....missed him....and now I can finally just be......just feel...  
  
"Guys, sorry to break the hallmark moment but what are we going to do about Jess?"  
  
I don't want to deal with this right now, I know it's selfish but why can't I just ever have a nice day where no big bad is trying to take over the world or trying to hurt me? Why can't I just live that so called 'normal' life....I know I'll never have a normal life but something that closely resembles a 'normal' life.   
  
"She just doesn't seem like the type of person to do something evil, I mean it's Jess, we've known her for like 2 and a half years. She was a really good friend to me."  
  
"Yeah, Willow's right, it's Jessica Cambridge, good ol' Jess, she was like a sister."  
  
Willow and Xander's sincere voices ring in my ears and my heart clenches, look how much they loved her. She meant so much to them and I just came back and took her away from them and from....Angel...was it the right thing to do?  
  
But then again how could I not? They're important to me and I'd do anything I could for them and it's him. The man who means so much to me that sometimes it feels like he's the only person in the room...the world...I couldn't give that up and now that I've got a second chance I'm going to do anything for them. It's just because....they're just them and he's just him. I know it doesn't really make sense but sometimes there are just no words to describe them, they're all so unique in their own ways that nothing compares, no-one compares....they're just their own person....just them...and just him....  
  
"We'll wait for her to do something, then we'll get an idea of what she's gonna do."  
  
"How do you know she's going to do something?"  
  
"I just know...I can feel it...trust me..."  
  
"Trust you? Poor choice of words Buffy."  
  
I'm not shocked, I expected a reaction like this. I deserve it.  
  
"Xander...."  
  
"Sorry Buffy..I...just.."  
  
He sighs and walks out of the room, Cordelia shrugs her shoulders and follows him out. Willow has tears in her eyes again and she runs out with Oz following her. Tears blur my vision and a sharp pain of guilt stabs my heart. Even though it hurts, I deserve it, I ran away without saying a goodbye....without saying anything...leaving them to fight the bad things by themselves...  
  
I feel Angel's arms turn me around and pull me against his chest, he doesn't say anything just slowly strokes my hair while the tears fall.   
  
End of Part 10  
Just wanted to say thanks for the reviews people!!! You rock! :) 


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